This morning I woke to a sky full of thunder and lightning at 4 AM, and for the first time since last school started this Summer, I felt calm.

Summer school this year was, for me, a continuous adrenaline run with very little reprieve. I prepared myself for a tough semester, biting the bullet because I want to transfer and I needed this class to transfer. Doing a Math class was already something I wasn't looking forward to, but compressing a semester's worth into the period of 2 months was another challenge I was heaping upon myself.

This alert and I became fast frenemies over the Summer!

The semester started with me feeling unprepared for the pace of the class. The professor moved at a speed I wasn't used to in order to fit an entire semester's worth of material into 2 months. And then there was the ConnectMath website we used to enter our homework and on test, which provided me with hours of frustration. I went into the first test - with a test every 2 weeks - feeling somewhat prepared but good enough. I left feeling I could have done better, and that I was not as prepared as I needed to be. I got an 88% on that test, but made a lot of mistakes because anxiety got to me. I decided then that I was going to prepare better for the next test.

During this time, my Uncle Gilbert began to show that chemo was no longer working for him. He had been battling Stage IV cancer for over a year by then, and for the most part never "looked sick." He was tired all the time, and sometimes would leave family events to nap, but when Summer hit, he lost a lot of weight and stopped responding to treatment.

Also during this time, my parents decided to put the family house up for sale and move. This required us, as a family, to go through near 20 years of accumulated "stuff" to help them downsize, and then actually helping them move from one house to another. Trying to budget time between school and family obligations became a struggle.

I did much better on the 2nd test than the 1st, despite staying up all night to finish it.

The next test was a take-home test, however, the circumstances of it being a take-home test did not make it easier. I had underestimated how much homework was due and pulled an all-nighter in order to get all the homework - and take home test - done before the next day. I did much better on this test, even though pushing past my limits to get everything done had me paying for it the next day.

After those two tests, we moved into conic sections, logarithms, sequences and series, which was rather easy for me as I remembered it much better from Math 425. This homework and the subsequent test were no issue for me, and I basically solidified my A for the class...not counting the Final, of course.

The week before the Final, my Uncle died of Stage IV cancer and we held the funeral. I ended up taking two days off from school - ouch - but the math was easier for me, so I didn't have a hard time catching up (Pascal's Triangle & Binomial Expansions). At this point my parents were all moved out, but we had three rooms, a garage, shed, and attic's worth of stuff left over that we had to organize and sell.

All homework was done the Sunday before Finals, and I spent Monday and Tuesday reviewing. I took Wednesday - the day of Finals - off in order to study. I realized how much work I had missed since I went back to school in 2015, and thus, how much money I have lost. This may be a reality for many non-traditional students, which is something many school counselors don't mention.

The Final came, and I was...completely and utterly prepared. I finished every question, and knew what to do. I found myself...having fun during the Final! Now that the obstacle of frustration was gone, it was like 20 puzzles waiting for me to solve them! I mean, they were worth 10 points each, but hey...what's a little fun when you're fighting for that A?

I left Finals and went on home...and promptly fell asleep. But rest wasn't in me, not yet. We still had two rooms of solid walnut furniture to move downstairs (by we, I mean just my dad and I). The next two days had us clearing way too many books (I need a Kindle, y'all) from shelves, organizing random stuff, and hauling the heaviest furniture ever down a flight of stairs (protip: place furniture on it's flattest side and control slide down). Then, Saturday morning, we were up at 4 AM to greet the many, many people who had camped outside our house for a yard sale.

We sold everything but my childhood desk. Everything.

Sunday didn't bring much reprieve, and neither did Monday really. I was waiting for grades. I am that type of person who checks for grades every day after a Final, even if I know what I am going to get because I keep track of my grades. There's something about seeing them posted that gets me excited. I don't have anxiety about it. I just was waiting with anticipation.



I checked the website to see that I had a 65% in the class, with the Final coming in at 0%. A part of me felt a little fear, but I knew I had done well, so I emailed the professor about the mistake. She adjusted the website and my real grade of a 99% in the class, an A+, appeared.

I feel a sense of relief, not in that the grade was posted but in that Math for me is done unless I want to take more advanced Math. I might, maybe one day, but for now my goal is to transfer and move onto the next step in my college path. Statistics for Social Science is the last math related class I have to take for my major, but with Math 25 done, I can transfer.

All in all, I think this class - and the goings-on of my life during this class period - brought me to the edge of my boundaries for self-care. I pushed myself a little too hard on this one, and not because I know I deserve that A and the investment this class gives to my future self. The pace and the online system created more elements to schedule and process than I think was necessary for me. I will do Summer classes if I have to in the future, but I will be restricting this experience to classes that I know don't already hold a challenge for me, as Math 25 did.

How was your Summer class experience? What did you learn from it? What would you do differently in the future?

It's the end! Of this semester, anyway. Finals are done, papers have been turned in, I've gained a few more grey hairs, but it is finally over!

I tried out some new things this semester to help me get through it as sanely as possible, and I want to talk about them for a bit before moving onto some other things about this semester. One of the things I did was to Set Semester Goals and Do a Mid-Semester Check of those goals to make sure I was one track. Here are those goals with the results:

My Spring 2017 Goals:

1. Read all my textbooks. I did read all my textbooks front to back, so that one is good!
2. Do my homework ahead of time. This started to get shaky towards the end, and in Math, I actually didn't do three chapters of homework (which were actually very small) until the day before the Final. Ouch. BUT! I didn't need to turn them in. I did them as sort of a review. However, I was still disappointed that I let this goal fall through.
3. Really get math out of the way. Yes and no. I did pass this semester's math. MORE than passed. I got an A in a math class for the first time in my life and I am so jazzed and proud of myself! Having an Assignment List and planning ahead really helped, but so did having a study schedule, doing (most) of my homework ahead of time, attending all classes, and going to tutoring. If you'd like to read about this process, click here. However, I need to take Math 25 during Summer so I can apply to transfer in the fall.
   

   For reals.

4. Be a better team leader. I don't know if I was a better team leader. I think the group project of this semester could have been done better, but it got done and we got an A, so the results kind of make it worth it. I did speak with a few people about how to be a better team leader, and I realized there was no one formula for every situation. Each team is different, and each project is different. To expect everything to work flawlessly despite your best preparations is wishful thinking at best. I think being a good team leader is understanding that there will be bumps in the road, and the best you can do sometimes is hang on and go with the flow instead of forcing things to go one way or the other. 
5. Balance school and life a bit better. Work and school worked out great. Keeping up with chores and school? Not so much. My room and car are both complete messes right now. I don't think my organizational skills have anything to do with that though. More on that below.

I think, looking back on these goals, I did a relatively good job on them. However, this semester was really hard for me. I dealt with a lot of things that I don't know if many college students deal with but I'd like to think the experience puts drops in my "resilience" bucket.

The hurdles.  
First, there was my birthday mid March. This may not seem like a big deal, but I turned 35 in the middle of my new school journey. I still have 3 years to go (which I am not happy about, my Sophomore "year" is turning out to be two years), and as much as I love school, I kind of want to stop being the 35 year old working on her bachelor's. I don't want this to seem like a complaint, seeing as I am grateful to be given this second chance. That isn't to say I certainly don't feel a little anxious to get it going!

G.Ma departed us Spring Semester 2016, and Pappy left us a year and some-odd days directly after.

Then, there were two deaths in my family. The first was a cousin who was younger than me by 3 years. I'm used to older people like grandparents dying. But this was the first time in my life that someone in my age group had died. My mortality was suddenly made so aware to me as I reached my 35 year milestone, and I got a good dose of you better make sure that what you are doing in your life is what you want. I'm an introspective person anyway, so delving into that wasn't hard. But seeing someone your age in a casket is hard on top of the grief you feel.

The next was my Pappy, my last grandpa. This hit me triple fold because he was my last grandparent to die. I am now grandparent-less. Even though we weren't close, he was a constant in my life and I suppose it goes to show that nothing is permanent. Life changes whether you like it or not and I discovered I didn't like it, even though his dying took a year and you'd think that'd be plenty of time to get used to the idea. It's not and never is. I had the honor of being the person to place my Pappy's ashes in the columbarium. 

Sometimes during your college journey you will face changes and situations that are very difficult and make you feel all alone. You've decided to go to college and be dedicated to yourself. No matter what happens, you must persevere.

But as this was happening, we learned that my mother had a different father than all of her siblings. We found out who he was, and that he died in 2013, two hours from where I was living at the time. It was hard to juggle the joy of discovery with the grief of a person you've never met and didn't know you wanted to know until the decision to know them was never yours to begin with.

Then, there were some medical issues. I had a doctor suggest I had diabetes when I went in for an allergy test. This gave me quite a scare, and looking back, it wasn't a good idea for him to casually suggest that. I spent a good part of March chasing down medical tests and doctors, only to learn that I am not diabetic and am in no danger of being diabetic, and what I was experiencing was a histamine issue related to the automimmune disease I have, Hashimoto's thyroiditis.

Despite all this, I managed to keep it together at school. I don't want to say I blocked it out or compartmentalized, because I didn't. I was crying and distraught over reports and homework, trying to figure out the quadratic formula from the quadratic equation between blurry tears. I was trying to wrangle group members into participating while trying to support grieving family members. I've had to pull off the side of the road to cry like I've never cried before on the way to class or work. 

If I had not put together an assignment list or study schedule, all this would have put a serious monkey wrench in my goals. Scheduling my time and creating a buffer for emergencies really helped me out this semester. At no point during all this did I want to quit. I wanted things to calm down, and for my group members to step up, but wishing for something to happen doesn't negate the reality facing you. Sometimes you really do have to put on your big girl pants and get things done, even if everything around you is on fire.

The highs.
But, I would be remiss to leave you on that note, which many may see as negative (but please remember, being positive does not mean to ignore the reality of life which may include many dark or "negative" aspects). This semester did have some very positive results (aside from, you know GETTING AN 'A' IN A MATH CLASS!).

First, a teacher asked me to use my Child Study Paper as an example for future classes. I've had one other teacher ask me to use my stuff last year, but this paper meant a lot to me. It makes me happy to know that the hard work I've done will also benefit other students. In fact, I've also been asked to guest speak next semester. I will be presenting to next semester's CDE3 class, and explaining the Child Study Paper to them. A few teachers also asked me for advice so more students can be successful next semester. To find that my work is so respected has made me so grateful for this school experience. I want to be a teacher and am glad to see that before I am even officially a teacher my efforts are helping to guide others.

Spring 2017 ended in As for all classes and a 4.0 for the semester, and a 3.6 cumulative!

How was your semester? In what ways did you feel you could have done better, and how do you plan to address that in the future?

I can't believe it's already Spring. While Fall seemed to drag, it's weird to think that we are already in 2017. Honestly, it feels like 2010 was just yesterday!

Along with every new year comes new goals and changes. I find myself facing challenges that I've turned away from for so many years, and am now now better prepared to tackle them. This Let's Go feeling hit me in the middle of Winter Break, and I found myself reading textbooks for Spring's classes ahead of time. I prepared a new organization system and redid my binder, and put together an Assignment List. I feel friggin' ready.

Even so, the first day of Spring 2017 had me in my school counselor's office. I expressed my concern with two classes that are part of my degree that may have me missing work. We discussed other options, such as registering to other schools while also attending Chaffey, where they may be better equipped to accommodate the schedule of a full time working student. I sent emails to other schools and received some replies, and will be working this strategy into my academic planning.


My first class, Observation & Assessment for Child Development, had me at a satellite campus to Chaffey in Fontana. I hadn't visited this satellite campus before, but was glad to see that it included services such as a library and counseling. The professor of this class was very lively and organized, which I appreciated. I mentally took note of some of the other older students in the class, but didn't think much of it at that time.

Thursday had me in Family, Community, & Child, another Child Development with my favorite professor, where again I noticed more non-traditional (older) students! They each had amazing stories to share as we talked and introduced ourselves. I wrote to my professor after that I was glad to see that I wasn't the only non-traditional student in attendance! I was able to bond with some of these students, and hope for a wonderful semester with them!

On Saturday I woke up early to attend Intermediate Algebra. If you've read this blog before I changed my schedule on the right hand side, you know that I attempted this class in Fall 2016. It didn't work out. The professor's teaching style and my learning style didn't mesh, and I decided to try again this semester. The professor this time around seems to be more my style, of which I am grateful.

I have quite a few assignments already done, and already have plenty planned out!

The first week was uneventful (especially in comparison to Fall 2016's first week!) but already the homework was rolling in. I had set up my Assignment List so that I wouldn't forget anything, and already it is coming in handy!