I'm stepping out of the normal subject matter for this blog with this post, but I feel its relevant as many people my age (I am 40 now) have gone through some manner of career change or career identity crisis in their life. After all, my career change, and going back to school to facilitate that, are a product of workplace tactics that can be summed up in the moniker "quiet firing."

Why bring this up? Well, "quiet quitting" is being tossed around a bit these days. It's a term that is supposed to describe an employee doing the work expected of them, no more, no less. You would think this should be considered normal enough that it doesn't cause a ruckus. After all, in capitalism, we (the worker) sell our labor to the employer, and in turn for that labor, we get paid for it. It's the same as going to the store and buying a product. Our product is our labor. You shouldn't steal the product at the store, right? Then you shouldn't steal the labor. And yet workers have been asked to go "above and beyond" for decades. This is a fancy way of saying do more labor for free with the promise of pay later. You work hard, do more, give 110% or more, and maybe later the employee will give you a raise. To do less than that, you are seen as "not a team player" and slacking, and then there are grounds to fire you.

Quiet quitting just means that employees aren't buying into the lie anymore. But while there's so much buzz about quiet quitting, we aren't looking at the other half of the equation. The employer and "quiet firing". These tactics are what we (designers in the Halloween costume industry) used to call "to force quit someone."

What does that mean?

It means an employer, manager, a team member, etc., puts into place tactics to try to get an employee to quit, or to give up to the point that the employer can come up with a legitimate reason to fire that person.

This includes overt toxic strategies such as sabotage (taking away resources that help the employee get things done), ostracism (creating an environment where employee is excluded), reducing the significance of the employee's contributions (making it seem like their contributions "weren't that great" or even taking credit for the employee's contributions somehow), excessive negativity (refusing to give the employee positive feedback and only give them negative feedback), moving the goalposts (changing the requirements of success, usually at random), making unreasonable demands (goals that the employee has no hope of meeting), microaggressions, and even going so far as to be verbally, psychologically, emotionally, and sometimes (it does happen) physically abusive. There are more, I am sure.

From quill.com

It can also mean more common, "acceptable" tactics, which I call "dangling the carrot." Promising a raise if the person goes "above and beyond" and yet, when it comes time for review, the person either somehow falls below the requirements OR suddenly the budget can't allow for a raise.

These tactics slowly wear away at a person until they are a shell of their former self. Then the employer starts putting together disciplinary paperwork trails. They will call the employee in for a meeting to ask them to correct their behavior. The employee may try, but their heart isn't into it. They're already been used for all they can give.

So either they quit, or they are fired. The employer starts again with someone new and naïve.

What is the difference between then and now?

Employees don't believe the lie that the employer has power over them anymore. They know there are things in this life that are worth more than money. Physical and mental health, hobbies, children, travel, etc. Workers today are learning that a part of self respect is being aware of what is toxic, and not standing for it. The power of their career paths are in their hands, and arguments about quiet quitting are feeble attempts at getting that power back.

If employers want employees to stay and give more than 100%, then employers need to start listening to and respecting employees. Because at the end of the day, corporations, workplaces, managers, etc., they come and go. In the eyes on an employee, their health, their life, their family, etc. are more important and permanent. They aren't going to sacrifice themselves for people who wouldn't do the same for them. I am so glad that today, young workers are collectively deciding to not put up with employer tactics to separate, demean, and destroy them. I would have loved to have seen this on the part of my fellow designers when I was in the Halloween costume industry. Unfortunately, the culture then was one of fear and manipulation, not camaraderie, trust, and solidarity.

I am sure many of us who are around middle-age who are changing careers are looking about, wondering what is going on. These are the changes that we have hoped for, the ones we wished we could have enjoyed. Maybe we wouldn't be in the middle of changing careers now if we had been able to experience these changes. True, there is something to be said about not being able to experience something. But we have worked hard to try to erase toxic workplaces and their tactics.

I, for one, am happy to see that less people are going to be suffering as a result of these tactics, even as I march towards graduation and a new career.

How do you feel about quiet quitting/quiet firing?

This is it my friends.

The moment I have been working towards since 2015.

This week is the last week of my practicum, where I am learning how to be a therapist by working with real clients under the tutelage of some really amazing supervisors (I haven't blogged about this because there isn't much about it that I can actually share due to confidentiality reasons). The end of the month marks the end of all my classes save for one.

I have one class left. Just one.

And then, in December, I will graduate with a Master's in Counseling Psychology and can apply for my associateship, and then I can actually, finally, finally, change careers.

I am sure I will have more poignant things to say when graduation is finally here, but the end of practicum is a big deal. I've accrued the 400 hours of practicum to graduate (at least 200 are direct counseling hours where I work with clients face-to-face). I have done all the coursework (save for the one class, that is). It's finally here.

There are a few things I have to do in order to reach that milestone, however:

• Pay $2,778.53 for the last class (financial aid doesn't stretch that much when you are a graduate student)
• Pay $250 to apply for graduation
• Pay $70+ for Livescan
• Pay $150 to apply for associateship
• Plus whatever costs for testing that I may be forgetting.

I recently participated in a discussion where many students felt that their professors were bullying them, and they didn't know what to do about it, or why it was happening. Unfortunately, professors are not always professional, and sometimes they can unload their issues on another person. To some, a student is below them, and they can do what they want to make those people feel miserable or less-than.

When I first went to college, and was at FIDM, I had two professors who bullied in two different ways. One was actually verbally abusive, and yelled at students who didn't get things right the first time, or asked questions. It was not a good learning environment. All we did was follow directions...with no room to experiment or apply what we "learned." Another professor bullied in a more subtle but still malicious way, by gossiping to each student and other professors to spread rumors and pit people against each other. In the end, the class was divided, with half against the other half. I reported them both to the school, which resulted in all the professors, even the nice ones, from ever talking to me again. It was obviously a toxic environment all around. Unfortunately, I was very young and didn't understand the nature of abuse, toxic people, or bullying. I unfortunately believed that it was because I didn't work hard enough, or I was a bad person who somehow deserved it.

In the years since FIDM, I've learned a lot about all of those things. I survived narcissistic bosses and boyfriends, as well as toxic people at work who created smear campaigns, ostracized, and gossiped. I faced verbal abuse, sexual abuse, and interpersonal abuse. It WAS abuse, and no amount of mental gymnastics can justify it. None of it was my fault. And none of it is EVER warranted.

When I returned to school, I was wary enough about abuse that I didn't want any part of it. Any professor that showed any inkling of abuse was immediately dropped, and there were three of them. One flirted with the men in the class, making everyone uncomfortable. One basically told us all that we were too dumb to pass his class. Another was rude and demeaning to the women in the class.

I can't say I am an expert at spotting abusive people. After all, if they weren't able to hide who they really are, they wouldn't be successful anywhere. Abusive people know how to manipulate, connive, and talk their way out of situations. But there are red flags to look out for (and please keep in mind that when I say there are red flags to look out for, it doesn't mean that it is your fault if you can't spot all red flags...the prey is not responsible for the predator's choice):

Humiliation