Okay. Backstory. Me and math? Not friends. It's a long history that starts in the 2nd grade and I still would rather be doodling in my notebook than worrying about math. Public school pushed me all the way through to Trig and I don't know how because I don't remember half of what I was "taught."

If it were up to me, I wouldn't take a math class ever again. But I need to get through Statistics for Social Sciences for my major, and to do that I need to pass Intermediate Algebra. I did take this class before, but since I did that before the dinosaurs roamed the earth apparently, I need to take it again.

Yeah.

Last semester I tried, the teacher was...whatever. This semester the new teacher seems able to teach to the most math-inept of us all, (read: me). As I type this I'm awaiting the results of our first math test that I actually feel like I did good on, which is weird for me. But before the test, teach asked us if we had any questions.

I had one. I had a big one. It was an equation I had struggled with for two nights. I tried to figure it out and for some reason my brain couldn't wrap itself around it. I'm going to type this equation for you, and you are allowed to laugh if you get it (but only if I am allowed to laugh when you can't remember the definition to a $5 word from 11th grade, only fair). Ok, ready for it?

(x-y)²+3(x-y)-10

Yeah. I tried to factor it. Because that's what you're supposed to do, right? That was the instructions. I tried to group, rearrange, split, multiply out the (x-2)², EVERYTHING. I even tried plugging it into MathPapa and a few other engines to no avail. None of the answers I got matched what was in the back of the book.

See, for all you people who are "math smart", this is where us other people get tripped up. This is the "language barrier" or whatever. Don't think as it as in I can't do math. Think of it as in I am not fluent in this language. Keep laughing. Whatever.

So I shoot my hand up and was like, "Yeah, I got a question! Tell me how the heck you get the answer for this!" I then proceeded to lay down the equation as if it were the D.B. Cooper mystery. Surely this was a trick question and the answer in the back of the book was a typo. It had to be.

The teacher, bless his teacherly heart, writes it up there on the board and goes, "Instead of x-y, just substitute the x-y for another letter, like w."

He writes it out like this:

w²+3w-10

And then:

(w+5)(w-2)

And then he goes, "Just put the x-y back in where the w is."

And just like that:
(x-y+5)(x-y-2)

Ta-freakin-da.


Like I just couldn't. I couldn't handle it. The possibility of feeling stupid had no chance to sink in with how blown my mind was. It was like a whole new world opened up. One of the biggest OMG moments of my college experience and I swear I will never forget this stupid equation as long as I live.

It wasn't that I couldn't do the math, it was that I just didn't know you could do that. If you're thinking, well, that's a basic concept of Algebra, to substitute one thing for another, well...now you know where sometimes teaching fails. The importance of concepts get swapped for right answers and points on a piece of paper. I should have known this. But I didn't.

However, there is a point to all this. It doesn't have to do with an answer that is literally right in front of your face or accepting yourself as you are or whatever other platitude of the day that passes your FB or Insta feeds. It doesn't even have to do with if I will ever use (x-y)²+3(x-y)-10 in my life (I probably won't, who knows).

The teacher didn't do anything truly different than what the book said to do, but the book (wh

I think this has to do with the ability to teach and the frustration we get when we think something can be so simple but is so complex to others. Empathy can help you to understand that not everyone thinks the same way. I definitely want to be a teacher and I have to keep in mind that what may seem so easy to me may not be easy to others, and there are ways I'm going to have to articulate my process for others to understand. That doesn't make that other person stupid or me condescending (it would be if I treated them as they were stupid). Just as we expect students to learn we must also be willing to teach to them.

I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's Thyroiditis around 2006 but was not informed of this diagnosis until last year. This disease, if you are not familiar with it, is an autoimmune disease where your immune system attacks and destroys your thyroid. I have probably had it for much, much longer (probably since I was 8 or so), and have dealt with symptoms and secondary diseases because of it, most without knowing they were related to this disease. The biggest symptoms I struggle with are constant fatigue and "brain fog," mysterious aches and pains, digestive issues, persistent weight issues, depression, anxiety, and panic attacks.

If you also suffer from a chronic illness, you understand how much of a toll it can take on your life. There is the spoonie movement which speaks about the amount of energy it takes for someone living with a chronic illness to do what other "normal" people do on the daily. I've always told people that I felt, "For some reason it takes 200% effort for me to do something that takes someone less than a hundred to do."

When I decided to go to back college, I was a little hesitant because until then I had perceived my illness as a "cannot" label, but I also felt sort of better because now I knew why I felt the way I did. The first time around, I honestly believed that I just wasn't trying hard enough, and I was somehow lazy, and perhaps just stupid in some ways. Turns out that I, and everyone who fed into these beliefs, was wrong! I've been able to turn this into a positive and now I am a straight A student.

Going back, I knew I would need to be gentle with myself in certain aspects of college life and the demands it requires. I knew there were some things I just couldn't do, and some things that for others would require personal responsibility that I just couldn't help. One of those things is my inability to remember certain things, and another is my inability to look pleasant and happy when inside I feel like a car running out of gas with two flat tires and a child that threw up in the back seat. Even if others don't understand what is going on, I owe it to myself to be more forgiving. And that's all that matters.

But I want people to know that college life with an autoimmune disease can be possible. I can't speak for other autoimmune diseases that take a much more serious toll on people, and I can't speak for all chronic illnesses. I'll let you know how I manage my disease in school, and maybe some of these tips or tricks can help you.

1. Keep an assignment list: Last year I struggled with keeping on top of things. It is inevitable I will forget stuff. Some teachers have praised me for my organizational skills, but the truth is I am trying doubly hard just to seem normal in this area. I started keeping an assignment list this semester and so far it is INVALUABLE to my success. Without it, I forgot one assignment. Since I started using it, I've been on the ball. I use it to plan WAY ahead, and even factor in time for studying. This alleviates a lot of anxiety, and when you have anxiety issues, that's priceless.
2. Plan my classes right: Give yourself time to rest and relax, and that includes taking stock of time needed for studying and homework. If you overload yourself, even if overloading yourself means a "normal" schedule, you won't be able to get the A you deserve 
3. Find my studying method and stick to it: If there is a class I need to study for, my study method is to re-write the info over and over in different ways until it sticks. Copying the information word for word doesn't help, and repeating facts doesn't work. Reading the book for some reason confuses me, and Powerpoints don't do much for me either. I need to be able to utilize the information for my way of thinking. A week or two before an exam, you'll find me writing down questions and answering them over and over in my notebook until I'm certain I understand. I'll maybe break out some flash cards if I feel I need to but honestly the notebook method works best for me. If there's a specific method that works for you, find it and stick to it. I can say almost certainly that cramming the night before an exam never seems to work for anyone with a chronic illness. Either you have memory issues like me or you wake up sapped for energy because you pushed too hard the night before. Plan ahead and work studying into your schedule, and make the classes work for you, not the other way around.
4. Respect my physical limits: if my major required some PE type classes, I would most likely pick something like swimming and yoga. Intense exercise not only knocks me out for a few days, but can also trigger inflammation. My life is a constant balance of trying to keep inflammation at bay, so this is a big deal. But if you have physical limits that leave you with questions on how to get to class or up a flight of stairs, or to complete a class that is required for your major (say you have muscle weakness in your hands but for some reason your major wants you to take ceramics), speak with the people in your disability services center at college. They may be able to work something out for you, like someone to transport you from class to class, prioritized registration, or swapping out a class for one you can manage better.
5. Bring food with me: A big part of my disease is the lack of metabolism and also digestive issues. I haven't been formally diagnosed with celiac (still chasing that diagnosis), but I treat myself as if I do because of gluten sensitivity. I am on the Auto Immune Paleo diet, so I take food with me everywhere. I will unabashedly eat in class if I have to! I can't rely on the cafeteria or snack machines to carry something that works for me, so I plan ahead.
6. Take advantage of the school's health services: some colleges have free health services like check ups, lab tests, and psychologists. Our campus even has dental services that can go so far as to remove wisdom teeth! I've stopped into see a counselor a few times when I felt overwhelmed about my condition or my workload. They're there for a reason, so why not?
7. Take a day off if I have to: I've skipped a few days of class here and there. I try to limit it to one class meeting a semester per class. I don't want to miss much, but if there's a day where I just can't, I'm going to give myself a break.
8. Let my teachers and school know: you don't have to actually do this, but if your condition is enough that you feel you may miss a lot of school, or you may have a spotty schedule, please let them know. Most schools may have a disability center that can help you with resources or advocate for you to your teachers. I've yet to let a teacher know what's up with me, but if it becomes a problem to my grade I will let them know.
9. Utilize my academic counselor: Let them know what you are facing and work with them one on one, and frequently. Let them know your special circumstances. They may refer you to disability services, but if they know what you're up against, they may be able to help you with something you hadn't thought of.
10. Find a support group/person on campus: I've yet to do this and I think it's something I need to do. I try to find one person in each class who can help me if I am absent. It would be nice, however, if there was a group or person to rely on for chronic illness support on campus. Maybe I should start a Chronic Illness Club or something, who knows? But having someone to talk with about the issues I face, and being able to provide support in return is something I lack.
11. Let go of things I can't control, including other people:  Once when speaking with a professor, I suddenly felt very tired. It was after class, and the conversation was very interesting and an offshoot of class discussion. I'm one of those people who isn't very talkative unless you give me a specific topic of conversation, and this conversation was a rarity. I didn't want it to end. But I knew that if I didn't go home and go to bed, I was going to be sorry for it the next day. I brought the conversation to a close and excused myself. The professor didn't ask why or anything, which is fine. Before I knew what I was up against, I would have stuck it out and felt crappy the next morning, and resentful that someone just didn't understand what I was going through. I tell this story because when faced with chronic illness, sometimes we just want everyone to automatically understand because we're tired of explaining, making excuses, and falling short of other's expectations.
    By being gentle with ourselves, we know that none of that matters. It isn't our fault that we are this way and if others have a problem with it, oh well. Do what you can and move on. My goals are my As and keeping myself healthy. Everything else will just have to work itself out.
12. Talk about it! This is also something I need to work on. So many times I want to talk about my issues but when it comes to personal issues I feel like people don't particularly care. I think a lack of awareness leads to this apathy. But if someone asks me why my hands shake, or why I am always cold, or why I can't eat cookies with the rest of the class on birthdays or finals day parties, I explain why. I cannot control how they react to what I have to say but I won't let that deter me from speaking my truth. Turns out that one time when I did, there were several other people in my class who have the same thyroid issues! I've written about it in student polls about weight loss and health. I've worked it into essays and gotten credit for it. Being an advocate for your own health also means speaking up and bringing awareness to your colleagues, if not for your own well-being but also for those who may be suffering in silence. Besides, your story deserves to be told.

Keeping this in mind, college has been, for the most part, very positive. There are times where I pushed myself a little too far. I had almost had an anxiety attack during a final presentation, and it was visible. The teacher commented on it and I was a little embarrassed. I decided afterward that I didn't care. I got my grade, and I implemented strategies to avoid that situation. That didn't mean I was going to stop taking classes that required presentations. It meant that now I am going to plan ahead and I am not going to take on too many responsibilities.

So far, going back to college has been a challenge but also a relief. It's a challenge because now I can focus on stuff I would have avoided before because I knew I couldn't do it but didn't know why. Now, it is a relief because I see that when I take care of myself, I am able to achieve far more than if I ignored my own needs.

You can do this!

Please share any stories you have about chronic illness and autoimmune disease as a student, including coping strategies and tips for other students. The more awareness, the better. We all deserve education, despite diseases we have no power over. Tell me your success stories, tell me about your less than successful stories. Is there something I've written that you disagree with? <3

I can't believe it's already Spring. While Fall seemed to drag, it's weird to think that we are already in 2017. Honestly, it feels like 2010 was just yesterday!

Along with every new year comes new goals and changes. I find myself facing challenges that I've turned away from for so many years, and am now now better prepared to tackle them. This Let's Go feeling hit me in the middle of Winter Break, and I found myself reading textbooks for Spring's classes ahead of time. I prepared a new organization system and redid my binder, and put together an Assignment List. I feel friggin' ready.

Even so, the first day of Spring 2017 had me in my school counselor's office. I expressed my concern with two classes that are part of my degree that may have me missing work. We discussed other options, such as registering to other schools while also attending Chaffey, where they may be better equipped to accommodate the schedule of a full time working student. I sent emails to other schools and received some replies, and will be working this strategy into my academic planning.


My first class, Observation & Assessment for Child Development, had me at a satellite campus to Chaffey in Fontana. I hadn't visited this satellite campus before, but was glad to see that it included services such as a library and counseling. The professor of this class was very lively and organized, which I appreciated. I mentally took note of some of the other older students in the class, but didn't think much of it at that time.

Thursday had me in Family, Community, & Child, another Child Development with my favorite professor, where again I noticed more non-traditional (older) students! They each had amazing stories to share as we talked and introduced ourselves. I wrote to my professor after that I was glad to see that I wasn't the only non-traditional student in attendance! I was able to bond with some of these students, and hope for a wonderful semester with them!

On Saturday I woke up early to attend Intermediate Algebra. If you've read this blog before I changed my schedule on the right hand side, you know that I attempted this class in Fall 2016. It didn't work out. The professor's teaching style and my learning style didn't mesh, and I decided to try again this semester. The professor this time around seems to be more my style, of which I am grateful.

I have quite a few assignments already done, and already have plenty planned out!

The first week was uneventful (especially in comparison to Fall 2016's first week!) but already the homework was rolling in. I had set up my Assignment List so that I wouldn't forget anything, and already it is coming in handy!

I can go on any college themed blog, it seems, and find a post on how to pick and utilize a planner. Each post will recommend types of planners, color schemes, how to write in one, and how to make it your best friend. I think it's great that people do stay organized, and have a tool at the ready to keep them that way if that's their thing.

But planners are not for me.

I did look into a few of these posts and even tried out some of the strategies on the free planner that the college hands out every Fall, but after two weeks, it fell by the wayside because it was just another thing that said everything my syllabi said, and it added more weight to the stuff I had to carry. I found it cumbersome and annoying, and in the end ditched it to refer to Excel spreadsheets I had set up to track everything.

This didn't last long.

To be honest, unless you are used to using a planner and absolutely cannot navigate life without one, there are other ways to stay on top of things, and most won't add extra bulk to your tote or bag. Here are some of my favorites:

Use a spreadsheet.
When I get all my syllabi, I create a spreadsheet that tracks all my assignments, readings, and due dates. It is easy to edit, and cells are easy to move around in case a professor changes things up on you. You can save it to Dropbox so you can access it anywhere you want. I prefer a utilitarian look to mine, but you can make yours as pretty as you want.

This is generally how my list looks. I will edit it and print out new copies when due dates change. I mark assignments off as done and even highlight rows to bring special attention to things or mark them as done.

If you'd like a ready made template, I've created one that you can download here.


Create a timeline.
I like the Project Timeline template in Excel - which comes for free with your software - to create a visual timeline that helps me mentally keep track of things. A calendar is great, but the timeline with all my assignments visible, and with dates, really helps me visualize when I need to do things. Again, it's easy to edit and you can save it to Dropbox.

You can edit the dates, and add beginning and ends to individual projects. This helps you break down tasks into smaller tasks. The scrollbar helps you see ahead.

Use an App.
Everyone has a tablet or smart phone these days, so why not use it? Having a separate planner when you have a super computer in your pocket seems redundant. There are plenty of Apps out there - that you can also access from your computer - that will help you stay organized. Here's a few you may have heard of, but each one will help keep you organized:

• My Study Life: This is an app that helps you track assignments and exams. It's pretty straight forward, and even allows you to put in your class schedule and any holidays or breaks that may effect your term. You can break the school year into quarters and semesters, and you can download the app to your phone and access your account from your computer. What's great is that it will remind you when things are due.
  

  My Study Life has a calendar feature and organizes by class.

• MyHomework: Similar to My Study Life, you can access it from your phone and your computer. It has the features of My Study Life, but what's great about this app is that you can search for your school and teachers and sync up with them through the app! I particularly love the Homework scheduling app which helps you prioritize your tasks and label them according to if they are simple reports or more complex projects.
  

  You can use MyHomework to keep track of assignments and sync up with teachers who use it!

• Evernote: This is a go-to app for many people, and one of the best known out there. There are a lot of features on Evernote, including recording voices, keeping things in notebooks, organizing handwritten notes, and scheduling. You can use it on any device, including your computer. It is really an "everything included" service that you should look into.
• iStudiez: Sorry all you PC and Android folk, this one is only for Apple and Mac. I have a Mac, but no iPhone, so this won't be the app for me. This college specific app manages your school schedule and tasks, and is a handy little app to keep track of your college life.
• Planner Pro: Available on iOS and Android, this is the planner that keeps track of it all, not just your school life. This is great if you simultaneously want to keep track of all aspects of your life, including work, all in one place without adding extra bulk to your bag. While great on your phone, those with tablets will enjoy using this easy to use app as well.
• Mind Mapper Apps: A mind map is like a flow chart, with ideas springing from other ideas. These are usually used to help you think up and organize ideas, but mind maps can be used to break big tasks into smaller tasks, and break those smaller tasks into even smaller tasks. You can start with creating your first note, "Spring 2017", and from it, create notes for each of your classes. Then from each class note, create assignment notes from your syllabi, and add even smaller notes for additional tasks you anticipate. You can include due dates and other notes with each class as well. I recommend this for the creative folk who don't think from A to B.

  Mindomo is great because you can access it through the web or through an app. Keep track of ideas and info in one place!

While any of these options are great, I stick to my assignment tracker for an easy solution. Anything more elaborate, and I may forget to check it! What's important is to find the solution that works for you: take into consideration your habits, how you think, and how "forgettable" certain steps or methods of organization can be to you.

What planning method works best for you and why?

Spring Semester is finally here! With it comes New Year's resolutions, new semester goals, and new school supplies! You're ready to face the rest of the school year with a new sense of purpose!

First, a small recap:
In 2015, I decided to go back to college with two goals in mind. I wanted to have an education under my belt that reflected my work in Social Media Management (which I no longer do, btw), and I needed something to do that would distract me from my decision to end my career in Halloween.

On the very first day of school, I dropped Selling. I decided right then and there that this was not the direction of my life.

However, I was drawn into my other classes, especially Family Communications and Child Development. I found a lot of answers to questions I didn't know I had, and worked through a lot of issues bubbling beneath the surface. Intro to Psychology was also interesting, and I learned from 2015 that I absolutely loved being in school.

My goals for Spring 2016 were pretty much to determine my major. It was a tossup between Communications, Psychology, and Child Development. It took me a whole semester (!) to get these details nailed down with the counseling department, but by the close of Spring 2016 I had my major, and I had a plan. I was set to graduate with two AAs: one in Social Sciences, and one in Child Development. Other goals included getting Academic Clemency and sorting out issues from transferring credits.

Summer 2016 I wanted to knock some prerequisites out of the way, and a waitlisting issue had me in Intro to Philosophy. I found a new love of my life at that time, and promptly registered for another Philosophy class for fall.

Fall 2016 I had two goals. One, get through Math...which I did not do. I had to drop the class midway through because I failed the midterm. I would have stuck with it and busted my butt for a C, but the thing was...everyone failed the midterm. I realized I did not want to stick through a semester of Math and do all the work I was doing to be handed an F, when I know I could pull better than that. The second goal was to really determine if Child Development was really the major for me. Call me indecisive, but I like to really consider my decisions, especially ones that have lifelong consequences such as determining a major. I took classes without my favorite teacher (to make sure that I wasn't just doing the classes because I liked being in class with my favorite teacher), but at the end I realized this is what I wanted to do: be a teacher.

After the year and a half spent back in college, I realize that I need to set some stringent goals if I want to transfer on time. I've looked back at what I've accomplished (determined a major, managed to get all As since returning to school) and all that I failed to accomplish (complete Math requirements for my major), and all that I wish I had attempted, and have come up with a few goals:

My Spring 2017 Goals

1. Read all my textbooks: This seems like a no-brainer, but how many of us actually read all of our textbooks? Last semester I found myself skimming some books, which I didn't like because I like to read. I think I had some time management issues that kept me from committing to my reading, but this semester I want to stay dedicated. I've even started the reading already!
2. Do my homework ahead of time: When I come from home from school I like to sit down and watch a show. This semester, I want to come home and immediately get started on homework. 
3. Really get math out of the way: This is the last semester I want to spend doing Math. I want it done! I need to get it done so I can take statistics, and I do not want to waste another semester in Math!
4. Be a better team leader: I found myself floundering in one group project last semester because I did not take my own advice and take the leadership role right off the bat. I did not delegate and I did not plan. Even though we got an A, this project caused me a lot of anxiety that planning would have alleviated. My goal is to be a better team leader so at least I can rest a little easier!
5. Balance school and life a bit better: My room, car, and desk were an atrocious mess after this semester! At some point my organization system crashed and I did nothing to fix it. Papers were everywhere, I abandoned my binder at some point, and my textbooks found a home on the floor of the passenger side of my car. This was not okay...just looking at the mess caused me anxiety because I knew I had to clean it but had no time to do so! This semester, I want to make sure I stay organized, and make sure I have time to take care of Real Life things like cleaning.

Aside from these academic goals, I have other life goals (or resolutions) that I have in place for this year that will effect my school:

2017 Life Goals

1. Pay down more debt: I paid off one credit card (for my abrupt wisdom teeth removal in Summer), but I have two more bills I'd like paid off before I transfer. Like many adults going into college, I am chiefly responsible for my own finances. If I am going to get student loans in the future, I want my credit to be tip-top. This may mean I need to pull more work hours (I work full time) or even buckle down on my budget more. Either way, this is a goal and I will do what I need to make it happen!
2. Get my side hustle going: I'm an artist and create illustrations for books, but I started a coloring page side hustle that I've done nothing with. I'd like to get that off the ground this year.
3. Start working in my major: I'm already looking at night, weekend, and 24/7 child care services to send my resume to. I like the job I am in and would like to keep it, but I'd like to start working in my major in a part time or volunteer basis. Last time I went to school I waited until I graduated to start working in the field, which put me at a severe disadvantage. This time around, I want to avoid that mistake. The trick will be to find something that will work with my work and school schedule.

What are some of your goals for Spring 2017?

Last year, I did not go to the family Christmas dinner. I don't know why. I think I just wasn't feeling the holidays. I'm sure there was more to it, but that's not what I remember. What I remember was that this was the last Christmas that my maternal grandmother was alive and I didn't see her at that Christmas.

Blink and you'll miss her: G.Ma was wanderlust personified in a tiny, unassuming form. Here she is in Vienna, Austria. Photo credit: David Sieple.

G.Ma died this spring from a sudden aneurysm that destroyed most of her ability to function. She could have lived longer on a respirator at a fraction of her cognizance, but that wasn't life to G.Ma. It was a deal breaker for a woman that just couldn't be held in place, even in her older years. Her living will dictated that she be let go, and two days later, she died.


G.Ma was spontaneous, or impulsive, depending on who you talked to. She was known for driving up to her friends houses at random and demanding that they go with her on a road trip, responsibilities be damned. I suppose she found the post-depression era too depressing, and made it her mission in life to have as much fun as possible. She married several times, and had eight kids, and moved cross country to California from Pennsylvania. Her reason: she didn't like snow.

Having lived in that area for near three years, I don't blame her one bit.

Oftentimes you would call her house and someone else would answer, someone who didn't even live there. They often had no idea where G.Ma was. She could be out playing Bunco. She could be across the country. She could even be in another country. Her walls were dotted with souvenirs from other places and pictures from eras gone by of people we didn't know, but whose names she remembered distinctly. The only things that provided any sort of roots for her were her grandkids and husband, and her fat cat Snoopy. Other than that, hers was an energy only matched by the hummingbird, her favorite animal.

It's weird to think that she's just gone. She had no funeral, and no burial. She didn't want to complicate things, and didn't want to be remembered as Not Alive. But the sudden finality of her death was weird. It's hard to put in words. I contemplated that while preparing the post for this assignment.

As part of our Child Development classes, we are often tasked to bring in recipes that trigger memories or feelings about our childhood. The purpose is to realize that everything we experience in our young lives adds up to who we are as adults. It's also a great memory game. You know how it is: you're walking along and then suddenly are hit with a scent that takes you back to a warm and fuzzy, "I am safe" memory? I've got tons of those: tortillas, chorizo, Irish Spring soap, chicken & rice.

I chose to present G.Ma's Golumpki (or as we called it, Pigs in a Blanket) for Spring semester's assignment. I thought it was fitting, seeing as G.Ma had died just a few months prior.

Making Golumpki. I had used tomato paste mixed with herb pasta sauce. My baking efforts have their limits!

I used the recipe from Food.com, since it closely resembled what I remembered of the dish. I however used tomato paste blended with a pasta sauce, and cut out most of the herbs required, because I know G.Ma didn't use them. I put a bed of this mixture on the casserole dish, then made rows of the cabbage rolls on top of that, and topped it with the sauce and rosemary.

I had never realized just how much effort went into the Golumpki, and it made me appreciate the times when G.Ma did make them. Prepping the mixture isn't a big deal. Prepping the cabbage takes a bit more time, and rolling the Golumpki takes finesse.

This dish reminds me of the time when my cousins and I were swimming in the pool of her Glendora house, and then she tasked us to knock down wasp nests, which we did with broom handles. We'd run back into the pool and hold our breaths until the wasps had buzzed off...until someone had accidentally shut and locked the gate to the pool. We found out what a bunch of pissed off wasps could do.

We were rewarded with Golumpki, which took the (numerous) stings away from our ordeal. Not once did we question the need to do this weird chore, and not once did we wonder why G.Ma would enlist a bunch of kids to do it for her. I think it's one of those old school things, like kids riding in the bed of a truck or keeping your face cream in the fridge.

My memories of G.Ma are filled with such oddities. I remember picking berries in her backyard, and breaking her tree when I tried to climb it. Mornings were filled with mixing cold cereal samplers and the scent of crayons as we colored 70s coloring books on the big barn table in her German-inspired  kitchen. Evenings were filled with watching TV on her huge turn-dial set. The summers were the best though, filled with sunburns and donuts, swimming and weird German and Polish food like Golumpki.

Yum. If it were sanitary, I'd just eat the batter, not gonna lie.

But it wouldn't be the holidays without a special G.Ma holiday treat: her M&M cookies. It turns out this recipe was most likely lifted and modified from a 1960s Crisco label, and Crisco is a big ingredient in these cookies. Her recipe is but a tripling of the 1960s recipe, which I found at Click Americana. I swap the flour with Bob's Red Mill 1 For 1 Gluten Free Flour and use M&M minis.

G.Ma used to bake a ton of these, plus some other cookies like Fork Cookies, Butter Cookies, Peanut Butter Kiss Cookies, and Sugar Cookies, put them in a huge popcorn tin and give each family one. I don't know how she did it but they'd always be hard as a rock, making coffee, tea, or milk a necessity.

I'll never get a tin of cookies from G.Ma again, but we picked up the tradition without question. We've already created 3 batches of these cookies this Holiday Season, and I just bought enough ingredients to make two more.

Merry Christmas, G.Ma.

G.Ma, my little sister, my cousin, me, and then my middle sister, in 2015.