Last week, after a failed orientation at UCR, I called my dad to just get the emotion out of me. He and I don't always see eye to eye, and I know that when faced with dilemmas he would rather seek a solution instead of just listen, but whenever life bites me in the ass, I know I can always call him. I found the words just spilling out of me even as I cried in frustration right in the middle of the UCR quad.

They don't have classes for people who work. I know, they said they did. Nothing in the evenings and weekends. There is no way for me to complete a degree here. I asked, Dad. Even the psychology advisors can't believe admissions accepted me knowing that I work full time. It isn't a school for people who work.

The admissions and counseling staff were filing past me as I sat under a huge, shady tree, doing my best to cry in a dignified way. They were heading home. They've done their jobs, held up their hands, and said, "There's nothing we can do. We're sorry that you feel that you did not receive the information you needed before you submitted your SIR fee. It is non-refundable." It was time for them to go home, but I wasn't quite ready to quit.

Neither was Dad.

Don't they know they are messing with people's lives? After everything you've done for this? Changing jobs, changing majors? Trig?

Trig was a sore for us all. I had just finished teaching myself Trig during the summer, unhelped by a professor with no teaching capabilities and school tutors who didn't understand why I didn't understand the subject as taught. I escaped with a B+.

But Dad has been witness to it all. The late nights, the anxiety, the studying, and when I had to change majors, the defeat in knowing I had come so far only to stop and do it all over again. When I mentioned I was stressed or tired in the beginning, he told me that I had to find a way to make it work, because this is what I had signed up for.

Now I could tell he wasn't so sure of that.

I could hear him tell me not to quit, and to keep being determined. It was what had got me all those As, after all. Its what got me into UCR anyway. And Cal Poly Pomona. And Cal State Fullerton, and Cal State San Bernardino, and University of La Verne. I had just been...misinformed. I had to find another solution. Juggle the future again. Like always.

But it has gotten tiring. I am 36 years old, and my love for school and patience for overcoming obstacles is wearing thin, because the obstacles I seem to be facing are coming from the structures of high education built for young adults who flounder outside the stringent structure of High School. They are also structures put in place when dealing with thousands of people who may come and go like the wind. They're numbers. If you don't know the answers to the questions you didn't know to ask, its your fault.

It is only through painful experience that you learn what questions to ask counselors who just want you out of their office so they can get through the workday. It is only through missteps and brick walls that you learn you can't finish your Early Childhood Education program because you didn't know that there were classes that required you to miss work. It is only after misinformation that you realize that, yet again, you need to take another math class to meet a requirement that you didn't know about. It was only after you pay your $250 non-refundable fee to UCR, and filled out all their paperwork, and gone to all their events and orientations and tours, and take days off work, and email and call endless counselors and advisors, and even get your student ID, that you learn that you are not the type of student that this school caters to.

No wonder so many students quit. All they want is to get ahead and they keep getting shoved behind.

I think I was the one who said that.

I could tell that Dad was getting agitated, and he was driving. I told him I'd hang up because I wanted him to be focused on what he was doing. He said he'd driven angry before. A lot of things get resolved in the car when you own your own business. When you are in charge of important things, solutions always need to be at the ready. It didn't matter if you were angry or driving.

You can't let them get you down. I know you can find a way out of this. If they don't give you that money back, I will. You can't stop now.

I know Dad has always had my back, but I know Dad won't always have my back. He's getting close to retirement, and I am at the age where I'm seriously thinking about my own. That was one of the reasons why I decided to change careers. Fashion doesn't give you a pension. It is hard to save when you always have to have and be the Next Big Thing. I'm 36. I can't go back into my 20s and make me be the traditional student I should have been.

That doesn't mean I should be punished for it. And sometimes that's what these obstacles feel like. You should have known. You should have done this instead of that. Why didn't you know what you didn't know? Figure it out.

I know that I will figure it out eventually. I know that when I get knocked down, to get back up, because no one is going to help me up. But I also know that some people are not that resilient, or don't know how to be. Some people who face these problems are lured by the promise of a better tomorrow if only they commit, but don't understand what that means. And they certainly don't know what to do when those who are supposed to help and support them don't.

As long as this keeps happening, more and more students will turn away from education. I can understand now why a 45 year old friend who wants to get out of a rut refuses to sign up for school, because its too late. I can understand why a mother of three doesn't want to complete her degree because she doesn't have time to "figure it out." I can understand why someone my age, who has only ever worked what they could with a high school degree, refuses to go to college now: because its too hard to figure out what to do.

These are people with established lives and kids and everyday hurdles that need attention, and definitely don't need more hurdles piled on top of them.

I definitely didn't need the hurdle set before me. I am now without a school, and am out near $500 after the last bout of admissions fees, plus the fees paid to UCR. I could feel the research opportunities and sought after professors and community activities slipping away. That beautiful campus wasn't going to mean anything to me. Trig was for nothing. I had moved to a new city for UCR. But now what could I do? All the deadlines had passed, so I could not apply to any other UC or Cal State school. If I wanted to attend one of those, I would have to wait until next fall.

My life would be pushed back another year. I'd be falling behind another year.

I hung up with my Dad and cleaned myself up. I was pretty much alone at that point, standing in the middle of UCR. It felt a little like Disneyland at this point. Carefully crafted and manicured, but you know there's a disembodied Mickey head hidden somewhere behind the false building fronts of Main Street. But Dad was right. There was a solution out there. It wouldn't be the one I wanted. I had them ready. Just in case.

I called a phone number I'd saved from last fall, when I had started applying to schools, seeking to transfer. It was the end of the day, and I didn't expect anyone to answer.

They did.

Hi, yes, this is Jennifer. Thanks for taking my call. I have a unique predicament, and was hoping if you could tell me if enrollment is still open. It is? School starts at the end of October. Do you have night and weekend classes?

You do.

I hate being bored. I'm one of those people who likes to be doing something constructive. Plus, as a non-traditional student who is returning to school, I work, so I don't have time for epic adventures but I also know how to, and want to, make the best use of my time.

Summer excitement!

That being said, there are things I want to do this summer, most of it being prep for next semester and the June 5th start date of summer classes. Here's my plan for the Summer:

Take a summer class. 
I've already talked about why this is important to do, but I feel like I need to make sure I am utilizing my time to the best of my ability. Sitting around the house or just going to work isn't fulfilling that purpose for me. Since school has ended, I've watched all of Sherlock...all of Call the Midwife..all of Riverdale...all of Anne with an E...you get the point. I could easily waste my summer on Netflix, but that time can also be used to get me ahead for next semester. Sure, Math 25 isn't what I'd call the most exciting plan for summer (although I am excited), but the time is going to pass anyway. Why not pass it doing something useful?

Earl Nightingale has the right idea.

Check out and fill out as many scholarships as I can.
I am on the Board of Governor's Fee Waiver, but I still incur costs for school. I spend money on books, fees, parking passes, and I also lose money when I take days off from work to do school related stuff. Plus, when I transfer, I will not be under the BOG. I am going to fill out as many scholarships as I can, because anything can help with the cost of college.
 
Plan to start a Non-Traditional Students Club/Union at my school.
I've already emailed the Associated Students Union at my school about wanting to start this up at my college. There is currently no club or union for non-traditional students there, and most, if not all, clubs there meet during the day, so non-traditional students cannot participate if they work full time. 

I hope that if I do get this started, that we are able to meet after 5 PM on weekdays, and that it can be a place where non-traditional students can get involved in school, work on being well-rounded students, and can be supported in the unique challenges they face as non-traditional students in a system built for Fresh Ex-High Schoolers.
 
Get involved. 
I definitely want to get more involved in the community and start preparing to be a teacher. I've applied to be a tutor in quite a few places, but I also volunteer with Helping Hands Pantry. I want to do more, and visit more often. I did tutor my cousin during the semester (2nd grade) and enjoyed being able to work one-on-one with a kid. I was able to get her to focus, and she was able to do a really good job on her project. She got an A, and delivered a great Powerpoint on Queen Elizabeth II (with works cited, I'm so proud). She learned quite a bit about integrity in school, how to be a good person, and how respect works. She picked the Queen because she liked that, "everyone does what she says." At the end, she said she learned that being respected like the Queen comes with respecting others, and serving others tirelessly and selflessly. I'm sure there's more to being Queen, but for a 2nd grader, it was a good learning experience.

I know there are plenty of kids out there who don't get the chance to work one-on-one with a tutor. Many parents don't get tutors for their kids because they believe they are expensive, and that a teacher should be able to do everything themselves anyway. That couldn't be further from the truth! In today's crowded classrooms, every kid - even the "gifted" ones - can get overlooked and left behind. I also know there's more to a child's success than aptitude for test-taking and following directions alone. It can be an emotional experience...and a child who believes they can't do something won't do something. It's up to the people around them to tap into the power of "yet."

I can't do that...yet.
I don't know that...yet.
...etc. 

A growth mindset not only benefits children in the classroom but us as college students!

Have some fun
There are a lot of people I've met who probably think that I don't know "how to have fun." The truth is, I find school and learning very fun. I love writing papers, studying, research, and challenging my brain. It's just who I am. Unfortunately a lot of these things are made synonymous with being a stick in the mud, perfectionism, and generally not being a fun person. I think that's sad, because a lot of people do really find this stuff enjoyable and that's ok.

That being said, I understand that too much of a good thing can really hurt. Brain farts, burnout, and of course, dealing with an autoimmune disease plus real life means you have to pull your head into reality every once in a while. Sometimes, you really do need some mindless fun to relax your big, beautiful brain. So I've made a list of all the things I want to do this summer, as modest as it may be:

• Go to the beach, maybe train it to San Diego
• Throw a Goodbye House Party (we're moving!)
• Hang out with my nephews more (we went to the zoo and had a party last weekend, but I also want to visit the Discovery Cube too, and see Cars 3)
• Squeeze in a visit or two to the Griffith Observatory and The Getty, as I haven't been in yeeaaars
•  Mani, pedi, hair, all that biz

 How are you spending the summer? What are you doing during the summer that is preparing you for what comes next in your college journey?

I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's Thyroiditis around 2006 but was not informed of this diagnosis until last year. This disease, if you are not familiar with it, is an autoimmune disease where your immune system attacks and destroys your thyroid. I have probably had it for much, much longer (probably since I was 8 or so), and have dealt with symptoms and secondary diseases because of it, most without knowing they were related to this disease. The biggest symptoms I struggle with are constant fatigue and "brain fog," mysterious aches and pains, digestive issues, persistent weight issues, depression, anxiety, and panic attacks.

If you also suffer from a chronic illness, you understand how much of a toll it can take on your life. There is the spoonie movement which speaks about the amount of energy it takes for someone living with a chronic illness to do what other "normal" people do on the daily. I've always told people that I felt, "For some reason it takes 200% effort for me to do something that takes someone less than a hundred to do."

When I decided to go to back college, I was a little hesitant because until then I had perceived my illness as a "cannot" label, but I also felt sort of better because now I knew why I felt the way I did. The first time around, I honestly believed that I just wasn't trying hard enough, and I was somehow lazy, and perhaps just stupid in some ways. Turns out that I, and everyone who fed into these beliefs, was wrong! I've been able to turn this into a positive and now I am a straight A student.

Going back, I knew I would need to be gentle with myself in certain aspects of college life and the demands it requires. I knew there were some things I just couldn't do, and some things that for others would require personal responsibility that I just couldn't help. One of those things is my inability to remember certain things, and another is my inability to look pleasant and happy when inside I feel like a car running out of gas with two flat tires and a child that threw up in the back seat. Even if others don't understand what is going on, I owe it to myself to be more forgiving. And that's all that matters.

But I want people to know that college life with an autoimmune disease can be possible. I can't speak for other autoimmune diseases that take a much more serious toll on people, and I can't speak for all chronic illnesses. I'll let you know how I manage my disease in school, and maybe some of these tips or tricks can help you.

1. Keep an assignment list: Last year I struggled with keeping on top of things. It is inevitable I will forget stuff. Some teachers have praised me for my organizational skills, but the truth is I am trying doubly hard just to seem normal in this area. I started keeping an assignment list this semester and so far it is INVALUABLE to my success. Without it, I forgot one assignment. Since I started using it, I've been on the ball. I use it to plan WAY ahead, and even factor in time for studying. This alleviates a lot of anxiety, and when you have anxiety issues, that's priceless.
2. Plan my classes right: Give yourself time to rest and relax, and that includes taking stock of time needed for studying and homework. If you overload yourself, even if overloading yourself means a "normal" schedule, you won't be able to get the A you deserve 
3. Find my studying method and stick to it: If there is a class I need to study for, my study method is to re-write the info over and over in different ways until it sticks. Copying the information word for word doesn't help, and repeating facts doesn't work. Reading the book for some reason confuses me, and Powerpoints don't do much for me either. I need to be able to utilize the information for my way of thinking. A week or two before an exam, you'll find me writing down questions and answering them over and over in my notebook until I'm certain I understand. I'll maybe break out some flash cards if I feel I need to but honestly the notebook method works best for me. If there's a specific method that works for you, find it and stick to it. I can say almost certainly that cramming the night before an exam never seems to work for anyone with a chronic illness. Either you have memory issues like me or you wake up sapped for energy because you pushed too hard the night before. Plan ahead and work studying into your schedule, and make the classes work for you, not the other way around.
4. Respect my physical limits: if my major required some PE type classes, I would most likely pick something like swimming and yoga. Intense exercise not only knocks me out for a few days, but can also trigger inflammation. My life is a constant balance of trying to keep inflammation at bay, so this is a big deal. But if you have physical limits that leave you with questions on how to get to class or up a flight of stairs, or to complete a class that is required for your major (say you have muscle weakness in your hands but for some reason your major wants you to take ceramics), speak with the people in your disability services center at college. They may be able to work something out for you, like someone to transport you from class to class, prioritized registration, or swapping out a class for one you can manage better.
5. Bring food with me: A big part of my disease is the lack of metabolism and also digestive issues. I haven't been formally diagnosed with celiac (still chasing that diagnosis), but I treat myself as if I do because of gluten sensitivity. I am on the Auto Immune Paleo diet, so I take food with me everywhere. I will unabashedly eat in class if I have to! I can't rely on the cafeteria or snack machines to carry something that works for me, so I plan ahead.
6. Take advantage of the school's health services: some colleges have free health services like check ups, lab tests, and psychologists. Our campus even has dental services that can go so far as to remove wisdom teeth! I've stopped into see a counselor a few times when I felt overwhelmed about my condition or my workload. They're there for a reason, so why not?
7. Take a day off if I have to: I've skipped a few days of class here and there. I try to limit it to one class meeting a semester per class. I don't want to miss much, but if there's a day where I just can't, I'm going to give myself a break.
8. Let my teachers and school know: you don't have to actually do this, but if your condition is enough that you feel you may miss a lot of school, or you may have a spotty schedule, please let them know. Most schools may have a disability center that can help you with resources or advocate for you to your teachers. I've yet to let a teacher know what's up with me, but if it becomes a problem to my grade I will let them know.
9. Utilize my academic counselor: Let them know what you are facing and work with them one on one, and frequently. Let them know your special circumstances. They may refer you to disability services, but if they know what you're up against, they may be able to help you with something you hadn't thought of.
10. Find a support group/person on campus: I've yet to do this and I think it's something I need to do. I try to find one person in each class who can help me if I am absent. It would be nice, however, if there was a group or person to rely on for chronic illness support on campus. Maybe I should start a Chronic Illness Club or something, who knows? But having someone to talk with about the issues I face, and being able to provide support in return is something I lack.
11. Let go of things I can't control, including other people:  Once when speaking with a professor, I suddenly felt very tired. It was after class, and the conversation was very interesting and an offshoot of class discussion. I'm one of those people who isn't very talkative unless you give me a specific topic of conversation, and this conversation was a rarity. I didn't want it to end. But I knew that if I didn't go home and go to bed, I was going to be sorry for it the next day. I brought the conversation to a close and excused myself. The professor didn't ask why or anything, which is fine. Before I knew what I was up against, I would have stuck it out and felt crappy the next morning, and resentful that someone just didn't understand what I was going through. I tell this story because when faced with chronic illness, sometimes we just want everyone to automatically understand because we're tired of explaining, making excuses, and falling short of other's expectations.
    By being gentle with ourselves, we know that none of that matters. It isn't our fault that we are this way and if others have a problem with it, oh well. Do what you can and move on. My goals are my As and keeping myself healthy. Everything else will just have to work itself out.
12. Talk about it! This is also something I need to work on. So many times I want to talk about my issues but when it comes to personal issues I feel like people don't particularly care. I think a lack of awareness leads to this apathy. But if someone asks me why my hands shake, or why I am always cold, or why I can't eat cookies with the rest of the class on birthdays or finals day parties, I explain why. I cannot control how they react to what I have to say but I won't let that deter me from speaking my truth. Turns out that one time when I did, there were several other people in my class who have the same thyroid issues! I've written about it in student polls about weight loss and health. I've worked it into essays and gotten credit for it. Being an advocate for your own health also means speaking up and bringing awareness to your colleagues, if not for your own well-being but also for those who may be suffering in silence. Besides, your story deserves to be told.

Keeping this in mind, college has been, for the most part, very positive. There are times where I pushed myself a little too far. I had almost had an anxiety attack during a final presentation, and it was visible. The teacher commented on it and I was a little embarrassed. I decided afterward that I didn't care. I got my grade, and I implemented strategies to avoid that situation. That didn't mean I was going to stop taking classes that required presentations. It meant that now I am going to plan ahead and I am not going to take on too many responsibilities.

So far, going back to college has been a challenge but also a relief. It's a challenge because now I can focus on stuff I would have avoided before because I knew I couldn't do it but didn't know why. Now, it is a relief because I see that when I take care of myself, I am able to achieve far more than if I ignored my own needs.

You can do this!

Please share any stories you have about chronic illness and autoimmune disease as a student, including coping strategies and tips for other students. The more awareness, the better. We all deserve education, despite diseases we have no power over. Tell me your success stories, tell me about your less than successful stories. Is there something I've written that you disagree with? <3

You did it. You made it to Winter Break and you've registered for your classes. It's time for some R&R!

Hold up! While the last semester is over, and now you can take some time to recharge, it's wise to use this time to prepare for next semester as well. This prep needn't take a lot of time and energy! Most prep you can do from your computer during a lunch break.

Here's how to utilize that time for the maximum benefit for next semester:

Rent your textbooks for next semester.
Once you get your schedule, check to see which books your professor requires. My college allows me to check for these books online, and provides purchasing options.

Finding textbooks online is a snap! Check your college's website for a textbook link, and then search the section numbers for your class's required textbooks.

But I never buy the books from my school...I nab those ISBN numbers and take them over to Amazon because the prices are cheaper! I once got a textbook for $0.01!

This is a $14.99 savings! I purchased this book and got the chore out of the way. Always check around for cheaper prices on required books. Sometimes, like this book, the shipping costs more than the book itself (that's usually a good thing)!

Buy new school supplies.
I love this time because I get new pens and new notebooks. There's no need to go all out, but be sure to replenish printer cartridges and buy more printer paper. Create a Dropbox account if you don't have one, which I find as one of my most relied upon resources for backing up and transferring files (i.e. if I have a presentation, it's easier to retrieve from Dropbox than search for a USB drive).

Check out my board: Best School Supplies for 30 Somethings.


Organize last semester's mess, if there is one.
As much as I am a proponent for staying organized, by the time the semester closes out, my desk, binder, tote bag, and even sometimes my car are a hot mess. I think my organizational system died this semester right after midterms! I have a huge stack of unorganized papers on my desk, my binder is...somewhere, and my tote bag has a nice padding of receipts at the bottom. Yikes!

This was even after I had sorted some papers! My desk is still a mess but I am slowly making a dent. I am going to have to re-evaluate my in-semester system!

I use Winter Break to take everything out of folders, piles, and binders and organize it by class. Along with the notebook I used to take notes for each class, I put everything in a folder and file it away. This way I can retrieve things easily in the future.

Reread notes.
This may be a habit only I do, but I recommend to anyone. Reread your notes. You'll be surprised at how much you forget between semesters. Sometimes, we are in such a hurry to just get through class that we really don't commit the information to long term memory. Don't think so? Quick! Recall what vocab words you learned at the beginning of last semester!

You probably had to think about it for a bit. But that's okay! That's why note taking - and note keeping - is really important. Reread those notes, especially for prerequisite classes that you had to take in Fall to prep for a Spring class.

Evaluate your performance for Fall, and research how you can make Spring better.
No one is perfect and everyone can use improvement. Take stock of how your Fall semester went down. What part were you not happy about? Here's some categories to consider:

• Organization system - did it hold up for you? For me, it failed. I will be re-evaluating my single binder, separate notebook system.
• Group projects - how did they work out? Did you do your part? Did others do their part? If you struggled, you may have to plan your time better. If others struggled, you may have to plan to take a leadership role in future group projects.
• Essays - Did your writing skills make the grade? Did you miss points because of formatting, grammar, lack of required components, or you completely did the assignment wrong? You may want to bone up on your writing skills by either taking an online workshop, research college essay writing, or check out a book on the subject. Now would be a great time to hire a tutor!
• Assignments - Did you do all your assignments or did you forget a few? You may want to learn to plan your time better. Making time for all your assignments - and even doing a few ahead of time - may save your butt come Spring semester!
• Presentations - How did yours go? Do you feel that other people have more polished presentations? Do you have stage jitters? Was your presentation rushed? You may want to check out a Udemy Powerpoint course, or plan to take a Speech class next semester. And...be sure to plan ahead for your assignment!
• Test taking - Did you bomb a test? Did you think you were prepared but it turned out you really weren't? Hire a tutor to go over note-taking and studying skills. Make a resolution to pay better attention during class, to ask questions, and to read assigned reading.
• ...and more! If you feel there is anything else, run a Pinterest search for how to solve the issue. Chances are someone has written about what you're going through, and has a solution to offer! 

Get started early!
Oh boy. I can already hear the disagreement on this one. But it's the holidays! I have stuff to do! Cookies to bake! Peppermint cocoa to drink! Yes, you do. As do I. But that doesn't mean you can't get started early! But you don't have to if you don't want to.

I try to get started early just because I know I can procrastinate when I really don't want to do something. I can be an obdurate little 9 year old in a 35 year old's body, trust me. Knowing this about myself, I plan ahead.

So when I got my pair of penny-a-piece textbooks last week, I started reading one of them. I get my Christmas cookies, and I get my peppermint hot cocoa, don my fuzzy sock-slippers and my cat's favorite blankie, curl up with said cat and said textbook, and go to town. It really helps that all my distractions are gone too; I finished Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life (OMG), Walking Dead is on hiatus (at least it has been since after the first episode, am I right?), and Holiday Baking Challenge has been polished off (go Jason!).

Made some of my Grandma's dry AF M&M cookies in honor of her passing in Spring Semester. The key is to use Crisco and brown sugar, and mini M&Ms for more chocolate per cookie real estate.

It may be helpful to pick a textbook of a topic that really interests you. I picked Miss America By Day because pageants always fascinated me from a psychological standpoint, and Marilyn Van Derbur's story is important. I'm already several chapters in, and I may just finish the thing off before school starts! I'm annotating as I go, but I'm not cracking out the notebook for notes. I have my limits, y'all.

I hope this list gives you some idea on how to prep. Planning ahead is really the key to success for me, as you can see. Hopefully I can make some important changes before Spring! What other ways do you prepare for the new semester?